I told the kids, not to cry.
End up, i cried. Alot, just like a quiet running tap.

Stayed with her on the last night.
Everyone seem ok.
My cousins even joked and we all laughed.
That could be the last time that we all were gathered at the same place.
After that, we are all going on to separate route.

When she was being moved out, i couldn't help, but cried.
Awhile, i controlled my feeling.
When we were chanting and moving around her, i cried again.
I don't want to see her go.

When we were sending her off for the last time, i carried myself and walked the journey.
Without any tears.
While on the bus, i breathe hard.
I couldn't control the tap, it just keep running. Tears just flowed and flowed.
If i could bawl, i would have. My heart hurt, i breathe even harder.

Moving her coffin to the burner.
I don't want to cry, but i couldn't help.
I closed my eyes and send her off. I don't want to see anymore.
I had a hard time to control my emotion. My cousin break down too.
Mayb because we were all females....

Today is the 6th day after her passing.
Went to "pick" her bones and put her in her new home.
Just beside my grandfather.

婆婆， 你好吗？
我不舍得你，但是我不要你在这儿继续痛。
看到那么多的针筒，我心好痛。
我什么都不可以做。
现在的你， 应该已经没有任何的痛了。
会好好的。 对吗？
阿公就在您的身边, 对吧。

my mum keep asking me to talk to her.
What can i tell her? like the sentence in front? and let her know i'm missing her.
This is not possible.